Monday, August 11, 2014

On Depression

Depression isn't like anything.

It really isn't. If you haven't experienced it, it's literally unimaginable. You can't think yourself out of it, even if you 'know' intellectually, what's happening to you.

It doesn't matter how much success you have. It doesn't matter how much money you have. It doesn't matter how wonderful your friends are, or how much you love your family.

It will tear that away from you. It will take you away from you. It's that bad. It's worse. I was lucky enough that it never got so bad that I wanted to die. But it got so bad I didn't care if I did.

It's been fourteen years, give or take, since I got help for it. I am still terrified of it coming back. That's not exaggeration - it's maybe the thing that I am afraid of most, and number two isn't a close competitor.

The best description of it I ever read was in Hyperbole and a Half, and these are a harrowing but worthwhile read:

So, I hope he's found some peace he didn't get in life.